One morning I was walking the path to the mountain, when I heard a murmur. I looked around and I saw a little hole beneath the tree. The murmur seemed to come from there. I went in, walked down, turned left and down again. By then I was in a natural room, sort of a cave. My heart was there, huddled against the wall, hardly breathing.
I told him I wanted him by my side, that I needed him, that there was no point sitting atop the mountain without him, that I would stay down there with him all night if need be. There was some wooden dock by the river and we sat there silently.
After some time he said he was grateful for me sitting there with him. Burned by the sun, betrayed by life and let down by fellows, he had run away in this place, fleeing further painful sufferings. « Life has stripped away so many illusions, and I felt pain, you know. I opted out ».
And sitting there, looking at the water, he felt like the ocean. Some days are peaceful and the sea is smooth as glass, some days are all rage and waves, and yet even when the rain pours heavily, the ocean is still, the ocean.
So the heart said:
I allow myself to open and release.
I allow myself to let go of bitterness.I allow life to touch my heart again.
I allow life to hit me again.I allow life to bliss me again.
I allow my heart to be elastic.
I allow my heart to receive blows gracefully
just as the ocean welcomes the rain.I allow myself to live again.
I allow myself to mess up again.I allow myself to be all grace.
I allow myself to be all rage.I allow myself to feel exhausted.
I allow myself to dream anew.I allow myself to embrace the immensity of life,
the immensity of my heart.
I allow my heart to feel again.
I allow myself to feel the bliss in the blow.
I quit avoiding pain.
I’ll show up on stage, the stage of life.
I suppose there is beauty in life.
